Special | Liquid loves in technology, to what extent is it good to start or end with a cell phone

Digital love brought new ways of linking and new languages.

Following the theory of thought of the renowned psychologist Lev Vygotsky, it can be concluded that both language and thought are intimately linked, they influence each other and simultaneously. Seen in this way, the new links and concepts of virtuality are in constant interaction.

In this rich exchange of ideas and forms, new terminologies have emerged that are applied on the level of love (and heartbreak). It is the case of ghosting that comes from the English term “ghost” or “ghost” and refers to those cases in which after several dates or even having a relationship over a certain period of time, one of people disappear, without explanation.

Breadcrumbing, which can literally be translated as “leaving crumbs” refers to the actions of those people who do not completely disappear, but do not materialize either a date or meeting. Every so often they leave a virtual greeting or make a comment on networks to say “here I am”, but not quite.

There is one element in common with what is known as orbiting, a behavior that involves cutting links completely in the analogue world but remaining connected in virtuality through retweets, likes and comments on social networks.

Benching, on the other hand, is related to breadcrumbing, because it also involves putting the person “on the bench of substitutes” to have it as plan B or even C if other things fail. To do benching it is necessary to do breadcrumbing, that is: keep in touch to leave the other person in vile and not lose them altogether.

In turn, cushioning is called the behavior of some people who have a partner and simultaneously maintain several “cushions” or “cushions”, that is, people who flirt with from time to time, without necessarily specifying, to have back up in case the bond with their partner is broken.

“In relation to the affective sphere, platforms have given rise to various forms of interaction, in which it is possible to see different neurotic behaviors,” says Dr. Mónica Cruppi, psychologist, author and member of the Argentine Psychoanalytic Association (APA), in dialogue with Infobae.

For the specialist, today's quasi-massive use of social networks has generated some social legitimation in many of the behaviors mentioned above.

“Perhaps we could think of this socially accepted cruelty and indifference as a consequence of the current malaise - which has been crossed among other factors by the pandemic - together with the breaking of the social bond, which causes loneliness, isolation, frustration and disappointment in relationships,” Cruppi analyzes.

The sociologist, Diego Ezequiel Litvinoff, also emphasizes the transformation of the links that has been given by platforms and other forms of digital interaction.

“If at first virtuality is shown as a way of continuing previous human relations by new means, over time it becomes clear that they are both the result and that they channel and enhance a transformation in the very nature of these relationships and that of human beings with machines”, emphasizes the sociologist, in dialogue with Infobae.

In his vision, virtuality is not only a new medium in which human relations take place, but “materializes a historical paradigm shift in relations of power and resistance”.

Love in times of virtuality

Technology can be seen positively if you think that networks opened up much more possibilities for interaction than at any other time in history. Today we are literally one click away from meeting thousands of people.

“Gilles Lipovetsky thinks that today it is much easier to meet people, but they are linked for less time; research shows that at some point there is great disappointment and despite the network and smartphones the feeling of loneliness and frustration persist,” Cruppi says.

Virtuality, then, opened more paths, but it also led, through that same expansion, to the transience of bonds and desire. Litvinoff, for his part, stresses that people are left at the mercy of the system and end up reproducing the codes that prevail, in this case, talking about virtuality.

“Networks are not used to search for a partner, but the couple is found to continue to fuel the circulation of digital codes. The medium sets out the rules of the game in which it always wins, while the subject is not that he loses, but is always on the sidelines as a multiplier of those codes”, points out the expert.

A few years ago, sociologists and researchers at Conicet, Maximiliano Marentes, Mariana Palumbo and Martín Boy published a paper that analyzes some of these codes that arose or were enhanced by virtuality.

“When someone waits, there is someone who keeps themselves waiting, but that is not fixed: in love relationships the subjects change and the dynamics change,” emphasize the researchers in the study I nailed the sight: young people and hopes for love based on new technologies.

And they add that new technologies are not per se harmful to links, only that they pose new challenges.

“For us, networks are not negative: with them people join, relate, recontra and eroticize. Only that, sometimes, because they allow so much control they also make the subject more out of control: they make us feel that the other person is not doing what is expected,” said Palumbo, in the statement that was released at that time.

And he also focused on the role that expectations play and the ability to adapt in these new contexts.

“Often those who surf the current of love best are those who have a more pragmatic vision: this is so, period. For those who start with many ideals, every ideal that is not fulfilled implies suffering”, concluded the sociologist.

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