How do I know if my son or daughter is a victim of sexual harassment?

Given recent reports of sexual abuse in schools in Bogotá that have resulted in demonstrations and riots, some parents fear that their children are facing similar situations in their educational institutions and do not know how to talk about it. So how do you know if your children are victims of this behavior?

Infobae Colombia consulted Fabian Rodríguez, a psychology professional at the National University of Colombia with experience in the forensic field, to learn some warning signs in children and offer relevant recommendations to parents and attendees.

To make it easier to identify sexual abuse in school-age children, the psychologist recommends that sexuality should not be handled as a taboo in the home. They should use the correct names of the private parts, as well as teach them that they have the right to decide about their bodies: for example, who touches it and who cleans it — “as early as the age of three they don't usually need help to clean their genitals.”

It is also key that children be allowed to reject any interaction that makes them feel uncomfortable, such as a caress. “If they don't like it, they're going to do something and they'll understand that it's not no, and when someone transgresses that they don't have to tell,” recommends the psychologist. In addition, they must be explained that not all secrets deserve or need to be kept.

First, children may begin to ask questions about sexual abuse at home, due to the high media coverage of these outrageous cases. This may be the first sign, since at school age empathy is not yet well developed nor is the concept of abuse clear.

“If they are not familiar with the subject, they will not fully understand what is being talked about. Usually they do not have a very critical vision until they are 14 years old to understand what someone else is going through,” says Rodríguez.

So, the psychologist suggests reviewing why the issue is resonating with a minor — without falling into stigmatization, since curiosity is healthy and normal at any age. “There you have to go in and do something, go into investigating what may be happening, because knowledge of these issues is not proper to that age.”

Rodríguez explains that it is common for children to be presented with sexual behavior as a game or a secret, so they will follow the rules and not identify that they are being victims of assault. Of course, not knowing it does not save them from the physical and psychological consequences of abuse.

Sudden irritability in a normally calm child is a red flag. “There is usually crying like nothing and they may not want to be touched or looked at or done absolutely anything with them, because it is making them uncomfortable,” says the psychologist. Also attention should be drawn to apathy towards everyday activities that were previously enjoyed or assumed naturally, such as a decrease in academic performance and appetite.

Even if they receive some early sex education, boys and girls do not connect closely with their sexuality and genitality until puberty. Then, the sexualized behaviors of a child should attract the attention of his or her caregivers.

For the psychologist, some examples of sexualization include “drawing pictures where you can clearly see some sexual organ, for example, of a phallic type, or that have behaviors such as undressing from nowhere, from one moment to another, or that they touch their private parts a lot and with great insistence.”

Adults should also be alert to physical reactions to abuse, such as discomfort or urinary, vaginal or anal infections that would not appear if there are good hygiene conditions.

Although it is best that the topic of sexuality be discussed at home within the framework of naturalness and respect, it is important that any change in the child's personality is not attributed to a situation of abuse. After all, some behaviors are related, but not exclusive, to abuse.

As mentioned before, questions about the topic, irritability, early sexualization and some physical discomfort often come together when cases of abuse occur. Of course, it should be carefully listened to what the child has to say about it.

If there is a strong suspicion of sexual abuse, Rodríguez recommends going to a Comprehensive Care Center for Victims of Sexual Abuse (Caivas) of the Attorney General's Office. The report can also be made in a family police station. The psychologist points out that revictimization of the child should be avoided, which can occur if he is asked to tell his story repeatedly.

Once the authority confirms the abuse, it initiates a process of restitution of rights. When these abuses exist, the ICBF usually refers children to the psychology service to avoid the long-term consequences of abuse: “emotional problems, such as depression or anxiety, difficulty in relating to others and making friends; you can be a very socially withdrawn person, be isolated from all people, and you may have difficulties in adapting to an environment”.

In adulthood, they may also develop risky behaviors such as substance abuse, irresponsible sexual behavior, eating disorders, and risk of suicide. “So, the ideal is to take the boy or girl from the earliest to psychology to avoid all that.”

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