Stress: how it impacts sexuality and what to do to overcome it

Stress triggers a cascade of hormonal reactions to prepare our body and mind to adapt to perceived threats. The more often this happens, the less effective the body is in responding to stressful situations. So, the more chronic the stress, the harder it is for the body and mind to adapt to it. It turns out that this can affect different hormones and biological processes in the brain and body. That is why stress is related to a decrease in sexual desire, difficulties in achieving and sustaining arousal, and a report of lower satisfaction during sexual activity.

For a better understanding, let's go deeper into the nervous system. Humans have two nervous systems that act autonomously. The sympathetic nervous system, which we can understand as the accelerator, and the parasympathetic nervous system, which we can understand as the brake.

When we are faced with a threat, our sympathetic nervous system reacts with a physiological response that prepares our body in order to survive. It is a control system that acts immediately and regulates heart rate, digestion, respiratory rate, pupillary response, urination and sexual arousal. It is an adaptive response that prepares us for attack or flight, generating a cascade of neurological and hormonal activity that initiates physiological changes to help us survive. Our heart beats faster, blood is pumped more strongly, blood pressure rises and breathing accelerates, muscles tighten, pain perception decreases, attention is sharpened, thought is focused on the here and now, and they “cancel”, that is, they lose priority, functions that are not necessary for this response: digestion is slowed down and the sexual response is silenced.

The sympathetic response is an injection of energy to provide our body with the resources needed to deal with the threat. Once this threat is resolved, the body activates the parasympathetic system - the brake. T he sexual response, that is, the response that prepares our body to face sexual activity, works from this system.

But it happens that when we experience stress for a long period of time, we can actually feel that our accelerator has stuck. Our body is working overtime, all the time, and we never allow our brakes to come on. That is why after long periods of stress, it is likely that we will have difficulty connecting with desire and arousal, feeling that our body “does not respond”. In addition, our mood becomes more depressed, and we can become more aggressive and irritable.

The first thing is to identify the state we are in and understand how stressors impact us. Start by not demanding ourselves at a sexual level when we are in that state, since this would turn into greater pressure, thus increasing tension. That is, if we can recognize that we are in this situation, the first thing is to address the cause. To put into words that changes in our sexuality have to do with a state of stress. Allow us to have our desire or availability towards sex fluctuate and be patient.

Then it's important to focus on activating the brake, the parasympathetic. Taking care of developing tools to connect to a state of tranquility requires time to leave one state and enter another. Incorporate rituals that loosen us up and allow thoughts to be left out. Reinforce and expand hugs, kisses, massages, breathing, prepare the environment using those elements that give us calm. And it is important to enable ourselves to get as far as we can.

What does this mean? That we start the meeting and that if we ever disperse or get frustrated, we can express that we need to stop. We often believe that the sexual encounter must be “complete”, from desire, arousal and even reaching orgasm. But this is not necessary. Already with being able to connect with the body and contact and feel comfortable with that we are working to activate that parasympathetic. We can also do this with ourselves, that is, without a sexual partner.

Regarding daily stressors, some suggestions for incorporating and combating stress in general:

- Physical activity: science tells us that physical activity is the best resource to reduce stress. It is recommended between 20 and 60 minutes per day.

- Activate conscious breathing. Whether through meditation practices, yoga, or whatever tool works best for you.

- Laugh, even if you don't know what, because behavior generates emotion.

- Affection: exercise kisses and long hugs. A six-second kiss and a twenty-second hug at least.

- Cry. To release emotions

- To express oneself artistically. You don't have to be a painter, actor or poet. Any manifestation of being helps us to combat stress, entering a creative state of here and now.

- Regular sleep. When we sleep less than 5 consecutive hours during the night, the natural circadian rhythm of cortisol secretions is disturbed. Even when we get enough sleep (in terms of cumulative hours), our cortisol levels can be adversely affected if our sleep is interrupted frequently.

*Cecilia Ce is a psychologist, sexologist and author of the books Sex ATR and Carnaval all life (Planeta publishing house). On Instagram: @lic .ceciliace

KEEP READING