NEW YORK (AP) — Jillian Amodio decided to tell the truth when her ten-year-old daughter asked her some specific questions about the war in Ukraine.
“When he asked me what nuclear weapons were, I explained in a simple way that they were explosives used in war capable of releasing an enormous amount of energy and causing a lot of destruction and damage,” said Amodio, from Annapolis, Maryland, and founder of a support group called Mothers for Mental Health.
Your daughter still had more questions.
“I wanted to know if we were in danger of being hit by nuclear weapons,” Amodio said. “I explained to him that leaders around the world have a responsibility to prevent nuclear war and that we already know from past experience how destructive a nuclear war can be.”
Amodio did what many parents and experts recommend: He told the truth, although from elements he knew his daughter could assimilate.
The day Russian President Vladimir Putin ordered his nuclear forces to be put on high alert last month was a tough day for many parents with curious children.
On social media, in classrooms and in parks, children who hear about the Russian invasion of Ukraine wonder how far this war can go. It is as if a child was born during the Cold War, when there was also talk of a nuclear conflict, radiation and the atomic bomb. Unlike in the past, however, today's kids have much more unrestricted access to images, videos and information, as well as tons of misinformation. They also have loved ones with personal experiences related to times of nuclear tension.
“With the youngest children, you have to talk in a simple way and avoid addressing issues that can cause fear in detail. With teenagers, honesty is the best policy. Always be transparent,” said Beth Oller, a family doctor from Stockton, Kansas, and mother of four children, ages two to nine. “Try to reassure them.”
Fear of nuclear devastation can lead to life-long trauma, according to Nathaniel N. Ivers, a counseling professor at Wake Forest University. During the Cold War, studies were conducted which indicated that vulnerable populations, including children and those who care for them, are more afraid and anxious about the nuclear threat than the rest of the population. And that parents who show greater anxiety about the nuclear threat, “tended to have children who were in turn more anxious about nuclear bombs.”
The threat of nuclear detonation — as in the case of the Cuban missile crisis — can generate deep awareness among children about death and vulnerability. “The boys know that there is very little they could do to protect themselves if a nuclear bomb goes off in their area,” Ivers said. “It can also create a sense of nihilism, especially in older kids and teenagers.”
Henry Williams, a digital designer from Brooklyn, appealed to a film when his 11-year-old son asked him questions about nuclear weapons and war. But he didn't resort to “The Hunt for Red October” or “Nuclear Panic” (The Sum of All Fears, also known as The Sum of All Fears), another story in Jack Ryan's series about a sinister plot to lead the United States and Russia into World War III.
Williams appealed to “Threads” (Threads) a post-apocalyptic story about a couple after a nuclear explosion. The film, full of very realistic horrifying situations, was made for the English BBC and released in 1984. He now has a group of loyal fans.
Williams was at home in the UK on a holiday with her children when the war broke out in Ukraine.
“We were tuned to the BBC news all day. That raised concerns,” he said. “It's a much more realistic film. What really happens.”
His 11-year-old son didn't seem very moved, Williams said. The youngest, of five, did not see the tape, but he had a very simple question: “So, will we all die?”
The father replied: “Yes, but that is unlikely. I had in my mind the idea that this could happen, which I thought was incredible. But I still wasn't scared. I told him that we would be there with him if that happened and I think that calmed him down.”
Jessica Griffin, a child psychologist and executive director of the Center for Treatment of Child Trauma at the Chan School of Medicine at the University of Massachusetts, based in Worcester, Massachusetts, said it's important to make sure kids aren't overwhelmed by fear or the news.
“Kids can be encouraged to ask questions, but also to keep up with their school and home routines,” he said. “Routines send signals to the brain and let it know that everything is fine, reassuring them in tense situations.”
When Putin ordered the alertness of his nuclear forces, Ricardo Groll was frank with his nine- and 12-year-old daughters.
“I decided to explain to them what 'nuclear' meant and how it can affect people in Europe,” Groll said from the city of Novo Hamburgo to southern Brazil. The youngest of her daughters asked her: “Daddy, is that man bad? Is he going to hurt our family? How?”.
As I always do with my daughters, I told them the truth,” Groll said. “Now I am sure that if someone asks Giovanna what a nuclear weapon is, she will answer: 'It is a bomb that can destroy the world. ' She doesn't seem to be traumatized by my direct explanation, although I must confess that I don't know if she really understands what 'destroying the world' means.
Things are different with the boys who have already experienced the war.
“If a child experiences trauma, seeing disturbing images can aggravate anxiety and require more support,” Griffin said.
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Leanne Italy is in http://twitter.com/litalie